“Get with the goose that’s good for the gander

…cheap is talk, cheap talk equals slander.”

The Lox

What’s the point of Jadakiss?

Really? What is his reason for existing? He has all the personality of a dried turd, and while I’ll admit that some of his lyrics are decent, his delivery of said lyrics is abysmal – next to J to the Mwah (yes homo) Guru’s shit becomes positively electrifying. One of the main things I don’t understand (apart from his penchant to turn into a crow when within 10 feet of a mic) is the fact that so many R’n’B artists decide to have Ol’ Moonbake as the guest rapper on their song… the latest bandwagon jumper is Jaheim, who’s ‘hot’, ‘blazing’ new video features Jada whispering sweet nothings into some emptyhead’s ear while dressed in a fetching cream short-suit.

Here’s the rub though – whether he’s threatening to “kill you on tape, and then watch it over a beer” or telling his lady how when he’s falling she can “be his crutch”, he does it with the same vacant expression and lack of emotion. Its the equivalent to listening to the plumber in the porn movie explain to the housewife that he’s “come… to… fix… your………………… waterworks”, before he actually does go and fix her waterworks. With his love spanner.

He’s seriously over-rated (Jadakiss, not the plumber) simply because he’s in NY and he once made a track or two with Biggie – its Jay-Z syndrome, except for the fact that S.Dot is actually one worthy of believing the hype. And since most put Jada down as the cock of the walk in Loxville, then that must make Styles P the balls, and Sheek Louch the asshole – for real, ladies and gents, apart from ‘Benjamins’ (which is a Puffy song by name) and maybe ‘Recognize’, what would we be missing if the Lox had never been around?

And now we have the laughable scenes of them going on radio and threatening to retire from making music. Hey, maybe wishes DO come true!

You’ll remember of course that they jumped from Ruff Ryders to Bad Boy because DMX was the big dog on the Double R and they didn’t think they’d get the label attention or the money they figured they deserved by hanging around waiting for him to smoke some crack and fall off. that Mary J brought them to Puff’s attention (see comments – I got my wrist slapped). So off they went to Bad Boy to get shiny suited up and make those benjies… only it didn’t work out like that. Remember ‘If You Think I’m Jiggy’? I do. No wonder the album flopped. So the toys got threw out the pram, and they pleaded with ‘heads’ (lol) to help them escape the clutches of the evil Puffster so they could slink back to Ruff Ryders and be HARDCORE again.

Yay for publicity campaigns! Free The Lox! Hoorah! Back they went to Ruff Ryders and managed to toss out another earth-shakingly below average album. Meltdown of the double R followed soon after and it was solo deals for all our boys as they desperately tried to stay relevant. One average Kiss album begat another, with Styles P and Sheek’s efforts receiving even less attention… but somehow they kept this rep of being ‘quite good’. Bugger knows why.

And so enter Curtis. His couple of little lines at Jada on ‘Piggybank’ must have been sounded like the happy ring of cash registers to our trio of troublesome tricksters – all of a sudden Jada had a little buzz again ‘on the streets’, Styles album was gonna sell out the ass because he was gonna bring it to Fifty, Sheek was threatening to steal G-Unit lunchmoney on many’s a mixtape… and you know what? It turns out that STILL nobody really cared.

50 played the hype machine perfectly and “The Massacre” shifted megaunits despite not being that good. The Lox just shifted uncomfortably in their seats ‘back at the lab’ as they racked their brains for another way to ‘keep it real’.

And so we come to the Hot 97 interview. Boo hoo. It seems nasty ol’ Diddy signed them to a 10 year deal and that EVERYTHING they’ve ever made helps to line the pockets of the world’s worst dancer. Hooray! Here’s today’s catchphrase – “when signing ANYTHING – run it by your LAWYER FIRST”. So basically because Scrooge McDidd is taking every cent they make, they’ve made noises about retiring from music (or killing Sean Combs someone – they did threaten that too.) I seem to remember that last month they were ALSO making noises about retiring from music because Curtis the Bully was fucking with their album release dates – because as we all know he RUNS Interscope. Who gives a fuck?

Happy Retirement

Next month’s episode: The Lox threaten to retire from music because someone pulled faces at Styles P at a photoshoot for AssOut Menswear.

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Slim Thug ft Young Jeezy – Diamonds Remix
Listen in Realplayer
Listen in Windows Media Player

Hieroglypics Podcast
iTunes Podcast subscription link
Direct link to Normal MP3 version
Direct link to Enhanced version: (Requires iTunes 5.0 or Higher)

Speech (from Arrested Development)
Gone Away (WMA)
Braided Hair featuring Neneh Cherry (WMA)

Funkmaster Flex, 50 Cent, Paul Wall – Just A Touch (mp3)

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Omarosa is TRILL at the Vibe awards. She’d attend the opening of someone’s bowels, for fuck’s sake.

Peace, Prosperity & Paper

Dipset meets Michael McDonald

Chronicles Of A Strip Club DJ

One More Hit – sad and scary stuff features J-Swift, one time Pharcyde producer.

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Today’s listening list
A Tribe Called Quest – If The Papes Come
A Tribe Called Quest – The Remedy
Big Daddy Kane – Live In Atlanta (AND BLOODY AMAZING)
Big Gipp ft Sleepy Brown – Steppin’ Out
Camp Lo – Black Connect 2
Co-Lab Productions – Where’s My Lighter?
Luke ft Poison Clan – Fuck A Gang
The Beatnuts – Beatnuts Forever
(download it here)

5 Replies to ““Get with the goose that’s good for the gander”

  1. >>You’ll remember of course that they jumped from Ruff Ryders to Bad Boy because DMX was the big dog on the Double R and they didn’t think they’d get the label attention or the money they figured they deserved by hanging around waiting for him to smoke some crack and fall off. So off they went to Bad Boy to get shiny suited up and make those benjies…

    if you think Kiss is boring that’s one thing (although your the first person I’ve ever heard say that, even his haters admit he’s nice), but at least get your facts right. The LOX were not on Ruff Ryders first, Mary J. gave their demo to Puff, blah blah blah…everybody knows that.

  2. Whoopsy doo… I’m not too proud to admit when I make a pig’s ear. I was under the impression that they were down with the RR camp (maybe not signed, but definitely as a part of the crew) as the Warlox before they made it to Bad Boy. Either way, they’re all pretty much generic NY thug rap. Kiss has a few decent lines here and there, but certainly nothing worth the hero-worship cats give him, and for he definitely has Ras Kass-itis when it comes to picking beats. And his face looks like a moon.

  3. Shut up dickface.

    Jada is the most horrific street rapper out of NYC in the last 10 years. The fact that he gets daps as some sort of superstar within his limited spectrum only reaffirms the fact that NYC rap sucks ass nowadays.

  4. >>generic NY thug rap

    What does that even mean? I see alot of people throwing that phrase around on the internet whenever they want to put down a NY M.C. but have no real points to argue so they call them generic NY thug rap and stick out their lower lip. Almost all of them invariably turn out to be either fans of ‘crunk’ or whatever this months flavor of southern rap is, or European rap snobs who think they somehow have the right to even speak on NY hip hop. Do you mean to tell me that nothing you listen to fits into the ‘thug’ rapper category? Do you also mean to tell me that none of said music is from NY emcees?

    MF, I’m not sure who you’re talking to, but it couldn’t be me. If all NYC rap sucks, please pray tell, tell me what city is doing it? You sound like one of those kids who are mad because you weren’t born here so you stomp your feet and dismiss the whole NY scene when in reality you probably couldn’t even name 3 underground NY m.c.’s.

  5. Oooooh… who shitted in your Xmas hamper? For the record, in my opinion, NY thug rap is Hiphop which follows the blueprint laid down by Kool G Rap, which peaked with the release of Hell On Earth by Mobb Deep… most of the stuff released after this album by the majority of rappers rocking this style (and don’t play dumb – you know the main players in this field) has not improved or given a different look to what G Rap was doing. Hence its generic…

    Its not that I don’t have real points to argue, its just that when listening to the 62876812th emcee from NY trying to sound cold and calculating while telling you how many shots they’re gonna put in you, its quicker to type ‘generic NY thug rap’ than ‘boring, heard it all before, ‘wannabe-Mobb Deep’ rapper. Its similar to how on the West Coast, after the Chronic blew up everyone was dropping G-Funk to the point that below that upper tier of artists, many other rappers were interchangable on tracks as they talked about nothing but hydro and bitches over Parliament interpolations, simply cos that’s what Dre was blowing up… THAT’S generic G-Funk…

    As for what type of music I listen to, or what part of the world I’m from… I don’t really see why that does or doesn’t qualify me to comment on Hiphop from any part of the world. If the music is good, I’ll call it. Similarly if its bad I’ll call it. There’s an absolute shitload of southern Hiphop, UK Hiphop, Australian Hiphop, and West Coast Hiphop that’ll I’ll gladly tell you is equally boring. I’ve been listening to Hiphop for long enough now to know what I like, and what I don’t like. And a lot of the stuff coming out of NY is boring as fuck – and its sad to say that, cos NY Hiphop is what I was raised on…

    And of course I still listen to NY Hiphop. Shock, horror, I even listen on occasion to the same rappers I talk shit about. I may even LIKE a track or two from them on occasion… overall though, they still suck donkey wang.

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