…cheap is talk, cheap talk equals slander.”
What’s the point of Jadakiss?
Really? What is his reason for existing? He has all the personality of a dried turd, and while I’ll admit that some of his lyrics are decent, his delivery of said lyrics is abysmal – next to J to the Mwah (yes homo) Guru’s shit becomes positively electrifying. One of the main things I don’t understand (apart from his penchant to turn into a crow when within 10 feet of a mic) is the fact that so many R’n’B artists decide to have Ol’ Moonbake as the guest rapper on their song… the latest bandwagon jumper is Jaheim, who’s ‘hot’, ‘blazing’ new video features Jada whispering sweet nothings into some emptyhead’s ear while dressed in a fetching cream short-suit.
Here’s the rub though – whether he’s threatening to “kill you on tape, and then watch it over a beer” or telling his lady how when he’s falling she can “be his crutch”, he does it with the same vacant expression and lack of emotion. Its the equivalent to listening to the plumber in the porn movie explain to the housewife that he’s “come… to… fix… your………………… waterworks”, before he actually does go and fix her waterworks. With his love spanner.
He’s seriously over-rated (Jadakiss, not the plumber) simply because he’s in NY and he once made a track or two with Biggie – its Jay-Z syndrome, except for the fact that S.Dot is actually one worthy of believing the hype. And since most put Jada down as the cock of the walk in Loxville, then that must make Styles P the balls, and Sheek Louch the asshole – for real, ladies and gents, apart from ‘Benjamins’ (which is a Puffy song by name) and maybe ‘Recognize’, what would we be missing if the Lox had never been around?
And now we have the laughable scenes of them going on radio and threatening to retire from making music. Hey, maybe wishes DO come true!
You’ll remember of course
that they jumped from Ruff Ryders to Bad Boy because DMX was the big dog on the Double R and they didn’t think they’d get the label attention or the money they figured they deserved by hanging around waiting for him to smoke some crack and fall off. that Mary J brought them to Puff’s attention (see comments – I got my wrist slapped). So off they went to Bad Boy to get shiny suited up and make those benjies… only it didn’t work out like that. Remember ‘If You Think I’m Jiggy’? I do. No wonder the album flopped. So the toys got threw out the pram, and they pleaded with ‘heads’ (lol) to help them escape the clutches of the evil Puffster so they could slink back to Ruff Ryders and be HARDCORE again.
Yay for publicity campaigns! Free The Lox! Hoorah! Back they went to Ruff Ryders and managed to toss out another earth-shakingly below average album. Meltdown of the double R followed soon after and it was solo deals for all our boys as they desperately tried to stay relevant. One average Kiss album begat another, with Styles P and Sheek’s efforts receiving even less attention… but somehow they kept this rep of being ‘quite good’. Bugger knows why.
And so enter Curtis. His couple of little lines at Jada on ‘Piggybank’ must have been sounded like the happy ring of cash registers to our trio of troublesome tricksters – all of a sudden Jada had a little buzz again ‘on the streets’, Styles album was gonna sell out the ass because he was gonna bring it to Fifty, Sheek was threatening to steal G-Unit lunchmoney on many’s a mixtape… and you know what? It turns out that STILL nobody really cared.
50 played the hype machine perfectly and “The Massacre” shifted megaunits despite not being that good. The Lox just shifted uncomfortably in their seats ‘back at the lab’ as they racked their brains for another way to ‘keep it real’.
And so we come to the Hot 97 interview. Boo hoo. It seems nasty ol’ Diddy signed them to a 10 year deal and that EVERYTHING they’ve ever made helps to line the pockets of the world’s worst dancer. Hooray! Here’s today’s catchphrase – “when signing ANYTHING – run it by your LAWYER FIRST”. So basically because Scrooge McDidd is taking every cent they make, they’ve made noises about retiring from music (or killing
Sean Combs someone – they did threaten that too.) I seem to remember that last month they were ALSO making noises about retiring from music because Curtis the Bully was fucking with their album release dates – because as we all know he RUNS Interscope. Who gives a fuck?
Next month’s episode: The Lox threaten to retire from music because someone pulled faces at Styles P at a photoshoot for AssOut Menswear.
Omarosa is TRILL at the Vibe awards. She’d attend the opening of someone’s bowels, for fuck’s sake.
One More Hit – sad and scary stuff features J-Swift, one time Pharcyde producer.
Today’s listening list
A Tribe Called Quest – If The Papes Come
A Tribe Called Quest – The Remedy
Big Daddy Kane – Live In Atlanta (AND BLOODY AMAZING)
Big Gipp ft Sleepy Brown – Steppin’ Out
Camp Lo – Black Connect 2
Co-Lab Productions – Where’s My Lighter?
Luke ft Poison Clan – Fuck A Gang
The Beatnuts – Beatnuts Forever
(download it here)