The Grammy Awards post

I toyed with doing a blow-by-blow (nh) account of the 2006 Grammy Awards, but couldn’t be arsed, partly because I’m a lazy shite, and partly because there’ll be 5487654876 other sites doing the same, probably better than I could have done it. I did record it however, and as I watched it I resolved to comment on a few incidents that caught my eye…

WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT A GODDAMN GRAMMY?
Chuck... just.... no
Obviously, Flav making a complete mockery of PE’s legacy wasn’t enough. And I don’t give a fuck if it WAS a presentation to John Legend. Principles are principles… or at least used to be. Props to the Geto Boys for staying out of the picture though – my world would have ended if I’d caught Bushwick and Scarface up there with Sly & The Family EveryOtherFucker.

No more photos, so if you want to see any of the below then try gettyimages or the Grammy site. Neither of which I’ll directly link to because they worship Satan.

Other points to remember:

  • Nobody knew who De La Soul were at the beginning of the show. And their ‘performance’ was shit.
  • Ciara tried desperately to
    a) sing
    b) look girlish enough to shake those ‘hermaphrodite’ rumors…
    and failed on both counts. Her skirt was so short I was waiting for her wedding tackle to fall out the bottom and wave around. Like this.
  • Kanye looked gayer than ever (no surprise there then) yet Jigga pulled off almost the same getup with ‘ner a hint of homosexuality. (I did feel sorry for Jay being reduced to a Puffy-esque ad-libber when Paul McCartney came onstage with him and Linkin Park though.)
    Side note – Amongst all the other bullshit that went on that I didn’t care about, I’m pissed that Big Head got Best Rap Album ahead of “Be”. There’s no way that “Late Registration”>”Be”… don’t believe the hype. Oh, and that Broke Phi Broke skit was already shite on the album – why that needed to be done live to prove it to us, fuck knows. Big up FAMU Marching 100 for representing though.
  • Terence Howard’s autocue-reading skills are superb. WHOOP THAT TRICK!
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt’s hair was 67 times the size of her head.
  • Is that Randy Jackson playing with Mariah? OH SHIT! RANDY JACKSON AND THE FAMILY STONE!!
  • Van Hunt looked like a gay sailor.
  • John Legend’s head gets flatter with ever TV appearance.
  • Christina Aguilera needs to put down the bleach.
  • Queen Latifah needs to put down the sandwich.
  • The Black Eyed Peas need to put down the pipe. (Oh, and Will Black Eyed Pea, your Hiphop pass has already been revoked, stop trying to sneak back into the fold by pretending you’re cool with the front row of rap stars. None of them really like you, and they all talk about you behind your back.)
  • Country music always has been, and always will be, boring as fuck.
  • Michelle from DC tried to pull off Whitney Houston’s ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’ hairstyle. Why?
  • I LOL-ed when Mariah Carey’s music was played when U2 won Album Of The Year. Nothing like rubbing someone’s face in it.
  • I also LOL-ed when The Edge’s thank you speech was cut off as U2 being were being presented with said award
  • The most interesting thing though apart from Chuck D’s lack of principles, was the fact that MusicCares, the Grammy Organisation’s own charity for Hurricane Katrina, has raised just $4 million in donations. FOUR MILLION. It probably cost close to that amount to bring all these celebrities to the Staples Center last night to masturbate each other into a frenzy. How much is Bono worth? How much is Paul McCartney worth? How much is Clive Davis, or Jimmy Iovine worth? Or all those other idiots behind the mics, and behind the labels who continually plead with us to put OUR hands in OUR pockets to support worthwhile causes? Why, between all those fools has only FOUR FUCKING MILLION been raised?

    Fuck everyone. Especially Kanye West.

    2 Replies to “The Grammy Awards post”

    1. The Grammy’s have deteriorated over the years as with the major labels inability to produce quality music. It’s all about music industry lobbying, just like in politics. The best performance was Herbie Hancock and Christina Aguilera who demonstrated on how it should be done. The Grammy’s is nothing more than industry self congratulatory back slapping.

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