I had the misfortune to be in the same room when VH-1’s ‘classic’ real-life series ‘Hogan Knows Best’ was on, and in the episode I saw, Hogan’s daughter was trying to get a record deal. Now for most people, grinding through A&R submissions trying to get your music heard by ANYONE who can give you that foot-in-the-door is the normal way of things… not for darling Brooke though. Apparently if your father possesses a pair of 24 inch pythons (no Dirk Diggler) then you automatically have a hotline to super
celebrity whore producer Scott Storch, no matter how much you sound like generic R’n’B bitch #387687632. And so it came to pass that young Brooke entered a recording studio to Mariah her little Amazonian posterior off over Storch’s hot beat. Except the hot beat was a straight Jermaine Dupri bite that sounded like warm poo, and Hogan’s daughter had more punch-ins than Big Pun mid-asthma attack.
Ironically humorous moment of the show – Brooke enters the studio to find Paul Wall feebly reciting some shitty writtens off his 2 way pager (ffs), and excitedly whispers to the rest of her party that “That’s Paul Wall! You know the guy who does the grills?”
Nice to see that Paul is being recognised for his skills and not some shitty gimmick, right. (Addendum: young son of Hogan – please do not try to ‘imitate’ rappers by turning your hat to the side and rocking ‘grills’ made out of kitchen foil. Doing so while trying to sag the tightest pair of 501’s ever invented is tres teh ghey. Die soon, you twunt.)
Anyway while I was watching all this nonsense it instantly struck me that all the stories we’ve heard in the past are blatantly untrue. Storch was NEVER down with the Roots. Instead, the small, jowled, mouse-eyed native of Sullust was co-pilot to Lando Calrissian aboard the Millennium Falcon during that historic Battle of Endor. Many of his world-mates also served as Alliance starfighter pilots in the battle, as Sullust was the world that served as the staging area for the Alliance Fleet prior to battle. Storch spoke the liquid, chattering tongue of the Sullustans, a language Lando understood.
Consider the evidence.
Nien Numb = Scott Storch = Nien Numb
have YOU ever seen them in the same galaxy together?
In other news, Pitchfork needs to slap writer Tom Breihan around with a brick. Check out this herbivore’s reviews of Run DMC’s first 4 albums.
Worth buying, Tom?
“The simple answer is no.”
Fuck off, you cretin. This shit bothers me – how can you not recommend buying these albums? They’re building blocks of Hiphop (and damn good music too.) Guess Hollis, Queens isn’t a happening ‘trap’ right now for the ‘hood niggaz’ is it? Don’t get it twisted – if this shit came out right now with the same instrumentals, and Jeezy and Wayne spitting the identical lyrics, Pitchfork would be raving over it. Fucking arse bandits.
In other fuckwit-of-the-month news, I present to you this press release…
TUPAC €™S LEGACY CONTINUES WITH A 25 DATE CROSS-COUNTRY ARENA TOUR
Major Artists €™ lineup to be announced shortly
Tupac Shakur is not only the rap world €™s all-timetop selling superstar, he has also become its most recognized and revered icon and to mark the 10th anniversary of his death, Ms. Afeni Shakur and the Tupac Amaru Shakur Foundation along with A&M Entertainment proudly present the €œTupac Legacy Tour €.
Beginning in Los Angeles this fall, the tour will continue with 25 concerts across major US cities. The tour will celebrate the life of the legendary multi-platinum artist, actor, songwriter, visionary and poet by recounting his timeless music and achievements as an accomplished performer.
The €œTupac Legacy Tour €, directed by A&M Entertainment €™s Vice President & Tour Director Mike Coates, will feature major artists & guests presenting selected songs portraying the legendary artist in his element: the stage. An impressive line-up of artists have agreed to participate and will perform together with a full live band and DJ €™s. The official artist line-up will be announced within the coming weeks. A portion of the proceeds from the Tupac Legacy Tour will go directly to T.A.S.C.A. (Tupac Amaru Shakur Center for the Arts located in Stone Mountain, GA)
A&M Entertainment has also announced GrupoMex Holdings as the tour €™s exclusive investor. GrupoMex is also involved in various other entertainment industry ventures including Gotcha Back Records. Makaveli Branded will assist with exclusive tour merchandise along with collaborating with A&M Entertainment on the tour €™s advertising and marketing campaigns.
For more information please visit http://www.2paclegacytour.com to sign-up for updates and notifications regarding the tour or contact the tour €™s Marketing Director, Rick Edwards at (646) 452-5186.
Superb stuff… 10 years since he bought the farm, and his mother is still Elvis-ing the memory of her son with each new pimp move. Stay tuned for the official 2pac commemorative china plate set, and the limited edition 2pac spitting doll with authentic MIDDLE FINGER action! (nh)
Audio / Video streamery fuckery
The Roots – A Retrospective
Windows Media Player