Celebrity Look-a-like & other shite

I had the misfortune to be in the same room when VH-1’s ‘classic’ real-life series ‘Hogan Knows Best’ was on, and in the episode I saw, Hogan’s daughter was trying to get a record deal. Now for most people, grinding through A&R submissions trying to get your music heard by ANYONE who can give you that foot-in-the-door is the normal way of things… not for darling Brooke though. Apparently if your father possesses a pair of 24 inch pythons (no Dirk Diggler) then you automatically have a hotline to super celebrity whore producer Scott Storch, no matter how much you sound like generic R’n’B bitch #387687632. And so it came to pass that young Brooke entered a recording studio to Mariah her little Amazonian posterior off over Storch’s hot beat. Except the hot beat was a straight Jermaine Dupri bite that sounded like warm poo, and Hogan’s daughter had more punch-ins than Big Pun mid-asthma attack.

Ironically humorous moment of the show – Brooke enters the studio to find Paul Wall feebly reciting some shitty writtens off his 2 way pager (ffs), and excitedly whispers to the rest of her party that “That’s Paul Wall! You know the guy who does the grills?”

Nice to see that Paul is being recognised for his skills and not some shitty gimmick, right. (Addendum: young son of Hogan – please do not try to ‘imitate’ rappers by turning your hat to the side and rocking ‘grills’ made out of kitchen foil. Doing so while trying to sag the tightest pair of 501’s ever invented is tres teh ghey. Die soon, you twunt.)

Anyway while I was watching all this nonsense it instantly struck me that all the stories we’ve heard in the past are blatantly untrue. Storch was NEVER down with the Roots. Instead, the small, jowled, mouse-eyed native of Sullust was co-pilot to Lando Calrissian aboard the Millennium Falcon during that historic Battle of Endor. Many of his world-mates also served as Alliance starfighter pilots in the battle, as Sullust was the world that served as the staging area for the Alliance Fleet prior to battle. Storch spoke the liquid, chattering tongue of the Sullustans, a language Lando understood.

Consider the evidence.

Nien Numb = Scott Storch = Nien Numb

Intergalactic Jew

have YOU ever seen them in the same galaxy together?
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In other news, Pitchfork needs to slap writer Tom Breihan around with a brick. Check out this herbivore’s reviews of Run DMC’s first 4 albums.

Worth buying, Tom?

“The simple answer is no.”

Fuck off, you cretin. This shit bothers me – how can you not recommend buying these albums? They’re building blocks of Hiphop (and damn good music too.) Guess Hollis, Queens isn’t a happening ‘trap’ right now for the ‘hood niggaz’ is it? Don’t get it twisted – if this shit came out right now with the same instrumentals, and Jeezy and Wayne spitting the identical lyrics, Pitchfork would be raving over it. Fucking arse bandits.
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In other fuckwit-of-the-month news, I present to you this press release…

TUPAC €™S LEGACY CONTINUES WITH A 25 DATE CROSS-COUNTRY ARENA TOUR

Major Artists €™ lineup to be announced shortly

Tupac Shakur is not only the rap world €™s all-timetop selling superstar, he has also become its most recognized and revered icon and to mark the 10th anniversary of his death, Ms. Afeni Shakur and the Tupac Amaru Shakur Foundation along with A&M Entertainment proudly present the €œTupac Legacy Tour €.

Beginning in Los Angeles this fall, the tour will continue with 25 concerts across major US cities. The tour will celebrate the life of the legendary multi-platinum artist, actor, songwriter, visionary and poet by recounting his timeless music and achievements as an accomplished performer.

The €œTupac Legacy Tour €, directed by A&M Entertainment €™s Vice President & Tour Director Mike Coates, will feature major artists & guests presenting selected songs portraying the legendary artist in his element: the stage. An impressive line-up of artists have agreed to participate and will perform together with a full live band and DJ €™s. The official artist line-up will be announced within the coming weeks. A portion of the proceeds from the Tupac Legacy Tour will go directly to T.A.S.C.A. (Tupac Amaru Shakur Center for the Arts located in Stone Mountain, GA)

A&M Entertainment has also announced GrupoMex Holdings as the tour €™s exclusive investor. GrupoMex is also involved in various other entertainment industry ventures including Gotcha Back Records. Makaveli Branded will assist with exclusive tour merchandise along with collaborating with A&M Entertainment on the tour €™s advertising and marketing campaigns.

For more information please visit http://www.2paclegacytour.com to sign-up for updates and notifications regarding the tour or contact the tour €™s Marketing Director, Rick Edwards at (646) 452-5186.

Superb stuff… 10 years since he bought the farm, and his mother is still Elvis-ing the memory of her son with each new pimp move. Stay tuned for the official 2pac commemorative china plate set, and the limited edition 2pac spitting doll with authentic MIDDLE FINGER action! (nh)
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Audio / Video streamery fuckery

Pitbull – Bojangles
Windows Media Player
Quick Time

Field Mob – Baby Bend Over
Windows Media Player
Real Player

Chamillionaire €“ Grown and Sexy
Windows Media Player
Real Player

The Roots – A Retrospective
Windows Media Player

Daz ft. Kurupt – Daz Thang
Windows Media Player
Real Player

Big Tuck – Welcome To Dallas
Windows Media Player
Real Player
MP3 Download

Gnarls Barkley – Go-Go Gadget Gospel
Windows Media Player
Real Player

Teriyaki Boyz – Tokyo Drift (Fast & Furious)
Windows Media Player
Real Player

Teriyaki Boyz – Cho Large
Windows Media Player
Real Player

Don Omar – Bandaleros
Windows Media Player
Real Player

Don Omar – Conteo
Windows Media Player
Real Player

BlakJak – Ride & Swerve
Windows Media Player
Real Player
MP3 Download

Dre ft. Rick Ross – Chevy Ridin’ High (Video)
Windows Media Player
Real Player

Lil Scrappy – Gangsta Gangsta
Windows Media Player
Real Player

6 Replies to “Celebrity Look-a-like & other shite”

  1. RE Run DMC albums:

    “so unless you’re a historian or a rich person, save your money.”

    All 4 albums would cost like £5 max in a HMV summer sale…Some parts of that article border on hatin’. He says this:

    “The group was hugely important in changing rap and making it an industry force, but you can’t really say they had much influence on the way it sounds today.”

    OK fair enough…but it’s immediately followed by this:

    “They removed the flash and gloss of the disco-rap of the Sugar Hill label, and they influenced a young LL Cool J, who influenced Boogie Down Productions and Eric B & Rakim, who influenced the Juice Crew and Public Enemy and NWA, and on and on and on, as rap would undergo sea change after sea change.”

    So in short, Run DMC influenced possibly *the most* important Hip-Hop acts ever in ‘sea after change after sea after change’, yet they had no influence over how Hip-Hop sounds today? Maeks sence…

    “By the late 90s, much of the music was flashier and glossier than it ever had been in the Sugar Hill era, and any changes that Run-DMC made were changed themselves to the point of being unrecognizable”

    That’s a bit of a fucking leap! Straight from the mid-80s to the late 90s…smooth transition, Tom!

    “The group was essentially irrelevant only five years after releasing its first single– to put that in perspective, Bow Wow has been popular for a longer time.”

    Yes, but when has Bow Wow ever been RELEVANT? Maybe I could understand if he was like, say, “2Pac/Biggie/Jigga remain popular X amount of years after their debuts”…but BOW WOW? Fuck off.

  2. heh… this one goes above and beyond the call of idiocy though… how can you NOT call Run DMC influential (and then as Jenna has pointed out, turn around in the next paragraph and say there WERE?)

    “The group was essentially irrelevant only five years after releasing its first single”

    that line is beautiful… what a herb…

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