ARTICLE: The War Report

The War Report II (By DAP)

And DAP Says…
“There’s Two Kinds of People In the World, My Friend:
Those Who Write Columns and Those Who Read Them”

“Now as I flip through this world of mine
Everything is lookin peaceful
I’m checkin out these people
The ones that’s doin good
and the ones that’s doin evil”
Big Mike – World Of Mine

“…Blind leading the blind,
In a world of wars, I search for peace of mind
My stabillity for my niggas and me
Said the way life was supposed to be…”
Geto Boys Featuring Menace Clan – Blind Leading The Blind

An old Chinese proverb goes: “May You Live In Interesting Times”. Well, I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll, but if this doesn’t qualify as ‘Interesting Times’, then I don’t know what the fuck does. Much Greetings and “How Ya Doin’s” to one and all!!! This is the 4th Letterman, AKA DAP, sitting in a four-cornered room, staring at this computer screen. AS we approach the end of the October, I figured I might as well write some new ish for you to read…

Before I begin, I want to give mad props and thanks to the Editor of the Jambalaya newsletter: Dee. if you see her, Ya’ll do me a favor and hum the tune of ‘I Dream Of Jeannie’ to her. She’ll know what I’m talking about. Anyway, let us begin!!!!!!!

To quote Sistah Souljah, WE ARE AT WAR!!! Yes, by the time you read this, we’ll be sending troops, missles, and all kinds of weapons of choice to Afghanistan and beyond. Yes, fellow Jambalayans and ‘Balayettes, this war campaign is a real-life GI Joe cartoon. So, since I don’t wanna repeat what I said in the last column, let be get to it:

– Pray for all our troops to do what they have to do, so they’lll get Home SAFELY.

– Don’t let this ‘Bandwagon Patrotism’ get to ya… the next time you hear someone rant and rave about ‘Killin’ them All and Let Allah Sort ‘Em Out’, Please tell those wannabe Rambo rejects to either enlist or kindly SHUT THE HELL UP because they ain’t makin’ things any better!!!

– And, most importantly, just be safe out there. Now is not the time to be acting ig’nant… be on your Ps and Qs, for real!!!

All I know is I’m tired of seeing fools wear the American flag on their heads, tied like a bandana, lookin’ like a AMERICANIZED Tupac (if there is such a thing). In any case, I can’t help but notice how all of these so-called ‘Ballas, playas, and Hustlas’ are NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!!!! If you claim to be a killa, prove it: Enlist, G!!!!!!

Before the year is out, go see these films in order: ‘Training Day’, ‘From Hell’, and ‘Bones’. Denzel just kills it in that flick, ya’ll!!! He was the quintessential crooked cop, people. The last 10 minutes of that movie sums up why Police Brutality and/or Corruption IS A PROBLEM… esp. if you your ass is darker than blue.

My gut tells me that Mr. Washington should gain that long denied Oscar for ‘BEST Actor’; but since we’re in a ‘Millitary State of Mind’ right now, and everybody is runnin’ around playing the “I’m More Patriotic than you and You’re Gonna Be too Or Else I’m Harrasin’ Your Commie Ass’ game, you KNOW That HE WON’T GET JACK… so, you can count on those awards to be given to ‘K-Pax’.

‘From Hell’ was TIGHT!!!!! The Hughes Bros. have arrived…in the eyes of the mainstream, that is. The film would’ve been tight if they would’ve featured more Black folks in it, though. Can’t you just see Larenz Tate playing ‘O-Dogg’ in that one?????

As for ‘Bones’, what can I say??? Snoop Dogg got Pimp Bones in his body and he rocks them like ‘Lodi Dodi’; He rocks them like Lodi Dodi, he rocks them mighty hearty…

Finally, the King Of Pop has come BACK to… uh, singing??? Yep, the man who once sang a love song to a rat named ‘Ben’ has a new album out. Will it Sell?? Will People embrace him once more??? Do they even Care??? I don’t have the answers… but I do wanna know is will we see him finally kick the plastic surgeon’s ass for making him look like a character from a Clive Barker novel!!! The Hell with Pinhead; Kids: Be Afraid of ‘Mr. Bubbles’.

Also, let me get this out the way: I like Jay-Z’s new album. I’m not a fan, and I will never be one, but I like the production on ‘The Blueprint’. Don’t be surprised if you see many a rapper copying his style…..Oh Wait!!! That’s already happened… isn’t that right, Ja-Rule???

And now, for a few quick thoughts:

– GODDAMN!!! Why was Hammer on my TV??? And why is he tryin’ to rhyme with a bunch of Congressmen wearin’ a fur coat and a US flag/bandanna/rag on his head?????? JEEZUS… it’s over!!!!!!!

– So, let me get this straight: N’Sync can be shown on BET, but I can’t see Wu-Tang’s video for ‘Careful (Click, Click)’ on MTV???

– Is it me or is Krispy Kreme Donuts just a watered down version of Winchell’s Donuts???

– Why hasn’t there been any Brothas on ‘That 70s Show’??? You mean to tell me that Black folks didn’t EXIST in the 1970s????

– How long do you think it’s gonna be before those ‘genuises’ at the Fox Network cancel the new ‘Tick’ show??

– There’s a new ‘Transformers’ cartoon on the air and ‘GI Joe’ has made a HUGE COMEBACK in the comic books… does this mean that the ‘2000s’ are the new ‘1980s’?????

– If we are experiencing a ’80s Flashback’, will VH1 do a ‘Behind The Music’ special on Jem and The Holograms?????

– Why is it Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones are still on the air, but not Martin????

And Finally
Why won’t SNL just go off and diiiiiiiieeeeeeeee????????? It’s over, Lorne. Go back to Canada, get into selling insurance… the thrill is gone, baby boy!!!!!

And I’m Through!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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