ARTICLE: Reality bites

Reality bites (By DAP)

“And DAP Says.
I Got Nothin’ Funny To Say, So Close Your Mouth & Read The Goddamn Column”

“I Criticize by Creation.” – Cicero

“We Are Not Retreating… We Are advancing in Another Direction.” – Gen. Douglas MacArthur

“If You Are Going Through Hell, Keep Going!!!” – Sir Winston Churchill

For those who don’t pay attention, I am the one they call DAP. You may have read my other columns, such as “Look Bitch, If I Wanted Your Opinion, I’d Stick My Dick in Your Mouth!!” and “Bill O’Reilly Is a Punk-Ass Bitch!!!”

Usually, I talk ish that makes heads laugh out loud or think at the same time… but I can’t do it right now. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I’ll be 30 in less than 3 months, or perhaps it’s because I’m cranky. All I know is it’s the middle of 2004, and I have realized the following observation: YOU PEOPLE ARE FULL OF SHIT!!!!!

I’m living in a world of hypocrites, liars, thieves, skeezers, scally-wags and other infected folk and nobody gives a rat’s ass!!! Folks, we are in a war based on a lie, jobs are being sent to countries not for lack of skills but to save companies hella $$$$$, POWs being shown on TV asshole naked, yet many of you are in an uproar over Kerry’s supposedly flip-flopping, Michael Moore’s movie, and Janet Jackson’s titty?????


I can’t take it anymore!!! What the hell is wrong with you people?? Are you afraid of speaking up?? Are you really happy now than you were 4 years ago?? Where’s your backbone, your pride?? What is ya, ignorant???

I know there’s nothing worse than dealing with ‘sights unseen’. I know many of you are doing the best that you can, but that doesn’t mean you have to look, act and say things like jackasses!! You’re more concerned with whether or not Fantasia or William Hung is more talented than the other; many of you fellas are more concerned with tryin’ to nail anything that you can, irregardless if your triflin’ ass will catch a disease; many of you heifers will put up with a nigga’s bullshit because you think that the cat who stays out of trouble is a punk; folks would rather talk and talk and talk but won’t do shit; people get more respect being a thug than being educated; and you’re willing to buy clothes, cars, 2-way communicators and other crap even if you don’t have a pot to piss in, let alone toss it out…

This doesn’t mean that I’m off the hook either. It’s been damn near 3 years, and my Black ass is still living in the worse city in California (Note: It’s not Fresno), and I hate it!!!!!!!! If it wasn’t for this column, I’d grab the next weapon I can and go on a rampage that would make Mickey and Mallory look like pussies. I’m tellin’ you folks, I’m tired, tired, tired, tired, tired, tired.

I wish I can tell ya if things are coming up like roses, but I can’t. Just like Andre, I realized that they do smell like shit. I wish I have all the answers, so I can make some real dough, treat people like the scum they are and retire the rest of my days on some remote island with a trophy wife (one for each day of the year!!!!!!).

But, I can’t because I’m living in reality, not fantasy. Ya see, this thing called reality is a bitch and it loves to bite you in the ass (or nuts, depending on who you are), and I love to be miserable. Because the more miserable I am, the more I get angry. And the more angry I get, the more stronger I become. I’m so angry that I publicly announce that I will do whatever and whenever I can, so that ‘Reality Bastard’ won’t be fuckin’ with me anymore. I publicly call on each of you to do what you can, all day, all night, and twice on Sundays to kick Reality in its ass and snap its neck!!!!!! You can get that dirt off your shoulders if you feel like it, but I rather focus on some shit that means somethin’.

In any event, if you think this applies to you and a fire has been lit under your stankin’ ass to get up, get out and get somethin’, then act like it’s the NFL and score, muthafuckas, score!!!!! If you think you’re already doin’ things, and you don’t have to do shit with this, then keep on doin’ things junior, don’t talk.

I hope you find this tough love to be as therapeutic as I did……

Hugs and kisses, Beeyotches!!!!!


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