Artist: Martian Colony
Label: Central Park North Ent
Rating: 1.5 / 10
Reviewer: A to the L
Imagine if you took a Hiphop band and blasted them into space, and then had their publicist write a story about it to push their latest release “Trajectory”.
“Early in the year 2004 (Earth years) the inhabitants of Martian Colony. (HD1-01) were discovered by the obscure, secretive record producer Blacky-Amen. He was originally attracted to their landing zone (LD2-02) by the “Pulse Energy” bursts created by tribal leader G-LA. G-LA as we have come to find out, was the victor in many free-style wars from Bushwick Brooklyn to North Amityville Strong Island To Mars Colony VOLTA 17. Blacky, having been trained by Russ Desalvo (Paul McCartney, Celine Dion, etc…)-immediately recognized the possibilities.
He knew his own squad (ERNI, PESO) having played such venues as Roseland Ballroom NYC and having combined 5 Top 40 Spin credits (Gavin, FMQB, N.M.W.) would match perfectly with tribal leader G-LA. A gathering of clans had been called It was decided that an album would be created-one that would combine the best elements (XV, 11A, W6, etc.) of all terrestrial music.
This recording has gone on to achieve extremely positive reviews from radio. According to radio market reports, “Trajectory” contains SEVERAL potential chart-topping hits with four tracks earning the highest probability of top 40 status. Both on Earth and the Universe. To complete this project 2 Super Beings would be needed! SUPER BEING 1-Uptown, manifested by Gamma Factor 6, would sing the hooks on the recording of “Trajectory.” An Interstellar reviewer would later say “One of the most versatile, beautiful voices I have heard!” SUPER BEING 2-Created by crystallization of “Gingero19” would be taken from a family on Earth with a long history in entertainment. Her paternal entity worked with “Stars” such as Grammy Winner Eddie Palmieri. This being, known as Remidee would sing the live hooks and prepare for the next recording.”
Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
Anyways, here on earth, its difficult not to compare Martian Colony to a futuristic version of the Spooks (remember them?) The only difference is that both production and skills-wise, MC are way below their ghostly counterparts. Many of the production tracks here are comprised of little but bleeps and blips laid over sparse drumbeats, while both the emceeing and the sung vocals fail to impress – in fact, much of the singing is particularly strained, lacking any real depth or warmth. Several of the tracks seemed to be constructed around the same repetitive synths, and with much of G La’s mic work being less about ‘rapping’ and more about ‘hype man adlibs’, this quickly focuses attention onto the singers. Unfortunately, as already mentioned, Uptown’s vocals are not a strong point, and the fact that the lack of substance from any other areas pushes her into the spotlight is not a good look. As the album begins, ‘Let It Go’, ‘Many Days’ and ‘Don’t Sleep’ become decidely grating particularly quickly.
Things don’t improve as we progress. ‘105’ is a dreary plodder which features G La forcing his flow over a mixture of acoustic and electric guitar licks while Uptown croons in the background; ‘Bombs & Fire’ is a colorless examination of violence in society which is tedious its both its original form, and its practically identical Rhythmic remix; and ‘Upside Yer Head’ is a blueprint for annoyance through Hiphop – horrible production, flows, and hooks abound.
Even the high points are not actually THAT high, but simply stand out because of the weakness of much of the other material. ‘Its A Sin’ hits the spot (for once) with a beat that at times is reminiscent of Cage’s ‘4 Letter Word’ and vocals from Uptown that actually sit well over the track; while the part mellow/part crunk flavor of ‘Destiny’ is interesting – at least until the hook comes in and spoils it.
And that’s it. Unfortunately there’s very little to make this even worthy of a second chance. Its amateurish and one-dimensional, both in sound and in execution, and the spaceage concept is left unrealised and more than a little cheesy. If this is how it sounds on Mars, maybe this group should stay up there.